A few people close to me know this part of my story… This part of my life is why I feel so strongly about cliques, the reason’s why I am so against cliques/cliquish behavior, and why it hurts quite a bit when I witness it, both the behavior and the clique forming within TBI. Cliques aren’t cool and are harmful to an environment/community. Ostracism, Bullying, bigotry, sexism and any non-inclusive behaviors that are along those lines are definitely not cool and not tolerated at TBI.
Dare I say, even politics aren’t really cool to discuss at the gym.
The next post might activate some of you that have faced similar bullying in your life, and I truly am sorry you had to and maybe even continue experiencing it. I made some edits to the words that I feel are insensitive but the rest of the entry is untouched.
I went a very long time devoid of the joy of experiencing laughter. namely because I always felt like laughter was directed towards me as a way to humiliate. Like people were always laughing at me for the way I looked. Get what I mean?
Only in the last couple of years working through recovery and therapy where I can finally say that I appreciate laughter and don’t take things/myself too seriously anymore.
This also goes towards people calling me homophobic slurs (as recently experienced through social media). I don’t take offense to it and it doesn’t make me angry but more so, upset that there are people out there in this world with this sort of contempt in their heart. It’s truly something vile.
I pray that they find happiness one day.
-Coach Vic 2023
2018-01-17 00:32:50
I don’t exactly know what had happened, what had gone on and why I was being targeted. In 2004, homophobia and bigotry wasn’t as much as social faux pas that it is now. One could get away with calling someone a f**, a h*** or g** in a derogatory manner, without even having any sort of rapport with the person, and it would get a laugh from from whoever was in ear shot. Fashion, as well, was different. The way I dress now, was the way I dressed then. Skinny jeans, fitted shirt. To me, it was just the alt fashion.. It was the way everyone dressed in the scene. It wasn’t until maybe 2008 that skinny jeans were taken into mainstream culture. The earliest adopter of such fashion in the mainstream was lil wayne and his mesh of hip-hop and skate culture. Relief, finally! But, yet, til this day, I still get stupid questions about the way I dress, or the odd snicker and smirk from the lame.
(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parinya_Charoenphol)
((Watch her biopic ‘The Beautiful Boxer’ : a very sad and touching story))
I contemplated quitting, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I couldn’t focus and slowly was falling into a deep depression. I just gave up 500 dollars of my hard earned money, the instructors weren’t doing anything about it and I felt so utterly helpless. What was I going to do? They were much bigger and more experienced then me. Fight them and get fucked up? My cheapness and hardheadness didn’t allow me to quit. I figured I could endure it for 4 more months, run the course of my membership and start Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. They were unrelenting with the taunts and mocking. It was bad and I was reaching my breaking point. One day the youngest of them started mouthing off. He had started the same time as me but was a natural fighter and progressed quickly. He was standing there talking shit and we started going back and forth, he walked up to me to get in my face and that was it, I had enough. I grab a 5 pound hand weight was ready to bash his fucking head in. I started blacking out and all I can imagine is rearranging his stupid fucking face, shattering his teeth so that he couldn’t give me that stupid little smirk he would have after every berating he gave me. As I was raised the weight over my head to swing I remember Kru Santi pulling me away and the rest of the class staring in horror. I explained to him everything that was going on. I don’t know if he understood the magnitude and severity of it all as his understanding of English was minimal, but im sure he understood how upset I was that I was ready to smash someone’s head with a hand weight. I believe these things transcend language haha. Later on one of the guys in the group walked over. Maybe he felt bad but really he just came over to tell me the taunting wouldn’t stop, and that the only way they would stop was if I took a fight to prove myself. Ok. Life has it’s peaks and valleys. It would be idiotic for me to think that life would be simple. Nothing to me was ever simple. It was always one struggle or another. I was bullied my whole life so that was nothing new. I had started developing a passion for this and wouldn’t let a gang of assholes take that away from me. Like most difficult situations I face, I see them as problems that need to be solved, and with solutions come knowledge. Both short term and long term. I credit this period of my life with the culture of my own gym. I have a zero tolerance for bigotry, no one should feel ostracized no matter how different or awkward they are. Everyone should be accepted. From the good to the bad. People come to the gym for help, and it would be wrong for me to turn people away without first giving them a chance and letting them, let me, understand them. (If that makes any sense) So, I was given a solution, and it was time to apply it. A fight with 3 months of training? Sure, what could possibly go wrong…